Month: May 2012

We are born self-centered, and one of our goals should be to slowly drop our self-centeredness so that by the time we die, we have a healthy balance that we know clearly that we are the center of the OUR world, but that everyone else has an unalienable right to feel the same thing about their world.

Specifically, if you look at children, they actually believe that they are the center of the world.  Interestingly, when you play peek-a-boo with a baby, they think you actually disappeared.  As children grow up, this slowly dissipates, but if something happens to a child, like someone says something mean, they take it personally, and it impacts their sense of self in a negative way.

However, as we age it is incumbent upon us to realize that in fact, nothing that happens to us is personal, rather, a reflection of the other person’s own private world, and therefore not take affronts to our person personally.  Since nothing is personal.

Herein is the mature sense of self that we must strive to adopt as we age.  Good luck!

(Similar to yesterday, this post was inspired by the  something I learned in a book by Susan Anderson.)

One of the most important realizations that I have come to recently is that we are really just an advanced form of those animals that came before us.

Of course, we have increased brain functionality, but underlying us is really a life-form that has slowly developed over thousands of years from protozoa or some long last ancestor.

This is important, since if we really want to understand our true selves, we can simply look to the behavior of animals and then see how it applied back to us.

I have noticed this quite a bit recently, but one of the more fascinating applications of this fact can be seen in the pecking order of animals.  Specifically, there is one.  A trip to Monkey Jungle in Florida to see the Macaque Monkey’s eat according to their social order, really brought out that point.

This directly relates to us humans, as we too establish hierarchies that are created based on worth, which is further defined by society.  Where we see ourselves in this pecking order, directly relates to our own personal opinion of ourselves, or our self-esteem.

What is important to realize is that in truth, we humans, no longer have a pecking order – unless we create one for ourselves.

Humans have the logical dimension needed to realize that we are all just the same value.  However, the leftover “bag of rocks” that we carry around, really impacts our life, even though it no longer should.

Hopefully, this recognition of the impact of our natural tendencies can help us overcome them.

(On a side note, the second part of this post is not really an original idea, rather one inspired by the writings of Susan Anderson.)

I spent the weekend in Boston, and it helped me understand better why Massachusetts is considered the birthplace of America, and not Philadelphia, where the Continental Congress, and other such organizations were taking place.

Basically, it all comes down to money, and in this fact, we see a very interesting lesson.

You see, if it wasn’t for the additional taxes that the British were imposing, I doubt the revolution ever would have gone anywhere.  There is the cry of “No taxation without representation,” but to me that statement seems more like a red herring since the early American’s really were protesting ADDITIONAL taxation, and not really taxation in general.

Which brings up the main point, people hurt, and thus rebel when they lose the status quo.  So if you want to anger someone, take away what they have.  The reason that you get this extreme negative reaction, is that the anger that festers comes to the surface to protect the downtrodden from additional hurt.

This is a practical lesson in business, where we want to make sure not to take things away from employees, especially benefits and money that they already expect.  When companies don’t heed this lesson, they often find that they have mutiny on their hands.

So if faced with a decision about employee pay, keep this lesson in mind, before you open a Pandora’s Box that you can’t close.

We all live in our own little world, filled with historical nature and nurture which creates our present.  It’s a complicated little world with conflicting emotions, feelings, and desires.  When we face another person, their little world, and our little world come together, resulting in the colliding of two worlds, to create a third little world.

Of course, when we view this third world, it is like asking people on either side of a statue to describe what they see.  Of course, one person will describe the front, and the other person the back.  But they are both looking at the same statue, just from different angles.

Nothing new here.

However, what is important, is that there really is no point arguing with how someone perceives their little world, since from their perspective they are totally correct and your words are unlikely to be heard productively.  Of course, if the other party is very open to change and honest with themselves, perhaps it will work, but the majority of people seem to get stuck in their perspectives in life.

Having said all of this, perhaps the first step should be to see if you are looking at things wrong yourself.

I’m sure that we have all been told the dictum, of “When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade.”

It’s a nice idea, reminding people to make the best of things or situations that they find themselves in.  And usually it is true.

However, it is important to realize that sometimes there really isn’t all that much good that comes from a given situation.  It’s pretty much all bad.

Further, when people say it, usually the person they are saying it to isn’t in a place that they can productively use the advice, anyways!

So keep this in mind next time you think of quoting the dictum.  It might just be better form to express your sympathy.