Author: joshfeingold

I looked at my traffic stats yesterday and based on my projections about 100 people will visit today.  However, no one is posting these thoughts anywhere online or sharing their opinions in the comments.

So how about it?  Get the word out and help me start a raging conversation.  Throw some ideas up here and see what sticks.  Use a fake name.  Bait the world with something ridiculous.   But take a moment and share yourself.

Who knows?  Maybe we’ll both learn something new.

I recently heard that people are reading my blog, which is pretty cool and exciting!  However, when I looked over the comments, it seems like everyone was just agreeing with me.  Which while great for my ego, isn’t really great for the sake of discovering truth.

So, here is my request, if you are reading the blog, please post your points of disagreement as well. Only through disagreements can we better get to the true truths of life, and that is after all the main point of this blog (well, besides being an outlet for me).

If you know me, which you may or may not, you will know that I will not take offense at your total disagreement to my post.  I have learned that often times there are two equally valid sides to an argument depending on perspective, and sometimes there are, in fact, two truths.  However, often times the goal is to figure out if there are two truths, or just one truth, and the only way to know this is to argue with no chips on ones shoulder, with no preconceived notions, and with an understanding of the other person’s position as you communicate your own point.

By taking this mature attitude, you can work together to arrive at the truth, which after all, is the ultimate goal, isn’t it?

OK, I lied, I thought I would be ending my self esteem posts yesterday, but I stumbled on one more truth that puts these ideas all together, so let me put it out there, and I’ll move on tomorrow to something totally different, I promise.

One of the great ironies of life is that we are both something and nothing at the same time.

I really struggled with this for a long time until I figured out how they fit together, and once I did, I realized that like most conundrums, the truth was in its simplicity, but somehow the wires were crossed along the way.

As you know, you are something, which we discussed yesterday – you are, and you rock.  On the other hand, you probably have had a feeling from time to time that you are nothing.  Perhaps even at the same time that you felt that you were something and wondered how that could be the case.  Well, the feeling of nothing is a confusion that comes from the fact that when you put yourself in the scheme of the world, you are truly a nothing.  Clear as mud?

Simply stated, from the perspective of the universe you are nothing, but from the perspective of yourself you are something.  The trick is not taking the message from the universe and owning it as your own perspective.  If you do, it can obviously be damaging to one’s self esteem, since you are taking the perspective that you are nothing as your own perspective.

So if somewhere in you is a perspective that you are nothing, and it impacts how you feel about yourself, realize that this message got confused along the way, and that you took it in wrong.  You took in the message that the outside world was implying, but it certainly was not the message of the individual needs to incorporate.  So put your nothingness in its place (that you are nothing in the grand scheme of things), and make sure your somethingness is in its correct place as well (that you are – and you rock), and all will be well!

[Today is the last part in a three day series about self-esteem.  If you haven’t been following until now, you may want to read the past two days before you read this post.]

I always had an inner struggle with self-esteem.

On the one hand, I thought I was amazing.  If you know me, you know I’m a reasonably accomplished person, so that’s was fair to assume without sounding too egotistical.

On the other hand, I could never shake the feeling that I was nothing compared to other people.

So in conversation with a friend last night, I think I figured it out, and I’ll share with you my findings since I think this is an affliction that impacts many people.

Growing up, I was told that I was great, then I reinforced that message by doing great things, and being told by people that I was great.  At the same time, I created an inner voice, that told me “Josh, you’re great.”  The problem is that the message that I created surrounding my self-esteem was one of I am great because of what I do, which means, that if I stopped doing great things, I would no longer be great.

Therein lies the fallacy, which I realized last night.  I had been telling myself a message that was dependent on an outside force, instead of being independent, and as we have discussed, the goal of man who wants to be free in this world is independence.

You see, my greatness (if I can call it that) stems from the fact that I exist.   The fact that I am gives me a natural right to enjoy this world as much as the next person since no one is better than the next person, and honestly, from my perspective, I have more of a right to be here than you.

So if I can’t rely on who I am and what I do to define myself, and provide my self-esteem (or lack thereof), where does my self-esteem stem from.  It’s quite simple actually.  I am, therefore I rock.    This message is independent upon anyone else – even independent upon my own self approval, which is key, since sometimes my inner voice isn’t so approving, if you know what I mean.

However this message is totally up to you to integrate and believe, but if you think about it, it is totally believable and achievable with a simple change in perspective.  Crazy huh, all you need to do to “fix” your self esteem is change your perspective.

The only thing that is hard is that for many of us, we were told that we don’t rock, in our childhood, and have continued to tell that message to ourselves until today.  However, if we want to work on our self-esteem, the shortcut is to tease out this message from our psyche, and fully awaken to the realization that “I am, therefore I rock.”

 

I have been thinking a lot about self-esteem for a long time.  My own, people I know, people I admire.  Unfortunately, having put many hours into thoughts I can’t say I have much to show for it.

I have also been focusing on purpose in this world for many years, but again can’t claim much value for all my time spent beating my head against an invisible wall.

However, I never put the two ideas together until yesterday, when I realized that each of these distinct items serve as the key to unlocking the other.

You see, these two ideas are central to our core and intrinsically intertwined.

Self-esteem is your internal sense of self, whereas purpose serves as a guide post of where this internal self fits vis-à-vis the rest of this big world you find ourselves in.

Which means, that until you can get your self-esteem soundly in place, you can’t actually find your place in this world or your purpose in life, and will roam the world trying to find yourself, but never really succeed.

However, by creating a solid self-esteem you can anchor yourself in this world, and soon realize that in fact your place in the world is in fact not a mystery at all, it is exactly where YOU have been the whole time – you just didn’t realize that you were there already!

P.S. Assuming this post is correct, a good litmus test for your how solid your self-esteem is how grounded in this world you feel.