I started a new journal today. My fifth (sixth?) for the past year. With each journal, which is the manly word for diary, I end with a summary of those issues that are plaguing me, and set a goal of working through them in the next journal.
I’ll share my current goals:
1) Being comfortable with people disliking me.
2) Being comfortable not in a relationship.
3) Not feeling rejected by relationship that I didn’t end.
4) Not allowing myself to settle in my next committed relationship (not to say that I did or did not in the past, but looking forward, this is very important!)
My guess is that over the course of the next few months many posts will center on these ideas, as I work through them, and put them to bed, and work through tangential issues.
With that introduction, I wanted to talk a little to rejection. First I would like to point out this post that I found, that really says all that anyone could want to know about rejection. In truth, it’s a great blog about relationships in general. While written from the perspective of women, it does allow men to look at their side of the dance and see if there are red flags that they need to think about.
Having said that, I wanted to share my current thinking on rejection, and the point out the true irony of rejection, which she doesn’t mention.
First I should point out that as always, there is a difference between BEING rejected and FEELING rejected. The difference being that while BEING rejected is in another’s control, FEELING rejected is totally in our own control.
So let’s focus on FEELING rejected.
How can we not feel rejected? Well, it’s simple don’t feel that way.
Yeah, but I do feel that way, so what now?
Here is where the irony comes in.
In order not to feel that you are being rejected, you must first get rid of your ego. Dude, you’re not all that great. You can’t be everything for everyone. Some people have needs that you can’t fulfill. Some people are just weird. You’re not God. Get over it. Their leaving is not about you at all. It’s totally about them.
However, to not feel rejected, to not take it personally, you must have a strong ego, or more specifically sense of self. I’m great. Their rejection is not a reflection of me. There’s nothing wrong with me.
And this is why rejection is such a hard topic. Because, it requires both the total acknowledgement that you are your world in its entirety, and you are not the whole world, at the same time.
With this message, I think I am cool with being rejection. Two down (people not liking me and rejection), two to go. I guess we’ll see.