Control and Paradox

Paradox of origin is something that I have been bumping into lately. Think of this paradox as the question of which came first, the chicken or the egg. I’ve been watching it on Netflix, through a show called Dark which assumes paradox in it’s premise, and it could be that it applies well in lessons I have been learning around meditation.

As I mentioned the other day, giving up control allows for freedom. I was questioning why I was meditating earlier today, since in truth, pretty much action that we take is due to trying to control some aspect of our lives. Put another way, I was questioning if though my new meditation practice, I am trying to control something, which is yet another restriction of the freedom that I am trying to find through giving up control.

What immediately came to mind is that there is a difference in trying to control outcomes versus controlling experiences. Meaning that am I meditating to achieve a certain outcome (which may or may not happen), or am I just meditating for the experience of mediation. I assumed that the outcome line of reasoning is one of control, whereas the experience is about how I am choosing to exist in the moment and thus not really about control.

However, if I am honest, why am I choosing meditation over taking a walk? What made “me” decide between the two options if not some exertion of control, of how I choose to have one outcome over another, and thus lack of freedom? My truth detector says that even when I peer more carefully at the continuum of outcome to experiences, I can’t find a differentiation. It seems to me that any action I choose is in some way control.

However, it could be that there is room for origin paradox (assuming that there is such a thing) to help explain how this might work. That through some aspect of control, we can give up control, and that through some aspect of control we are able to give up control. Both chicken and egg exist all at once, and bring each other into existence.

And thinking about this, it might just make sense. For without control, there could be no lack of control, thus they both have to exist simultaneously, and paradoxically perhaps in their existence with each other they both cancel each other out, and seize to exist.