“On attraction.”

As I begin to think about dating again, I return to the subject of beauty and the impact of attraction on who I am interested in pursuing a relationship with.

Here is what I have discovered so far between my reading and gut.  I’ll denote which is which with the letters r and g below.

The good thing for those in the dating scene, is that as you can see the main attraction indicators are totally subjective.  If you think about it, of the general population, 95% are of average looks (at least from a general face perspective), with the remaining 5% falling into homely or a model of beauty (g).  This means that really beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  But how do we define what we find beautiful?

Our attraction model goes back to our childhood based on a very real Oedipus complex, and encourages us in a certain familiar direction  based on what our parents look like (r).

Further, we are attracted to things that are familiar to us, such as other family and friends, as well as people we have met before, under the principle that we like things that we know already (r).

Finally, I believe that we are attracted to people who look similar to ourselves, in a very real version of finding our own reflection in another, which (along with the reality that we mimicking the actions of our partners encouraging certain muscles to grow similarly), is why couples often look like each others after many years.

The common denominator of the above list is that we like things that we know already.

However, what really takes someone from average looks to beautiful seems to be this allusive things we call chemistry.  It is my belief that chemistry is nothing other than, the feeling that we get when we project on another person that they are similar to us in so many ways and that just like we like them, they like us.  This feeling relies on mind reading about what the other person is thinking, but when it is mutual, we’ll it is mutual and there is mutual chemistry (g).

Attraction, therefore, it pretty much totally created based on a model that we create for ourselves, on what is attractive, and facilitated by chemistry that we also create. So, what is important to remember is that attraction, like everything is very much in our head, and is thus pliable – both for bad and for good.

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