“On manipulation.”

We like to get our way.  It is a natural way to express our desire to control our world, and feel somewhat in control of our own life.  (Though, as you know, we truly have very minimal control, if any.)

So what happens when someone stands in our way from getting what we want?  Often times we manipulate the environment to help us achieve our desired outcome.

And when there is a gatekeeper (read: person) standing in the way, well, we manipulate the gatekeeper.  This is the point that I want to talk about today.  Those many ways that people manipulate us to get what they want.

Basically, it is the goal of the manipulator to figure out how we can best be controlled.  What is our personal carrot that makes us pull the cart forward?  That is they key and what they must discover so they can best take over control of our being to make us do their bidding.

For the spy novel, it could be sex.  And perhaps some pictures after the event to show the wife. (Fear.)

For the child, it could making an embarrassing scene in the mall (crying or temper-tantrum) so they can get that cookie or toy.

For the parent, it could be guilt, tapping those seeds of what makes you a good person that they planted early on.  “Don’t you love your mother….”

For the significant other, it could be anger, to get a rise out of their significant other just so they can have some type of (sad) relationship.

For the coworker it could be gossip, exchanging information for access.

For the subordinate, it might be praising the boss in public, to tap into his need for power.

For the boss, it might be praising the employee in public, to tap his need for security.

The take away from all of this is that we need to recognize the multitudes of ways that people may try to manipulate us, so we can be on guard for manipulative people, and try to focus on those people who are less fearful of the world at large, and therefore more open to letting go of a need for control, and letting things come as they may.

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