Friday sucked. Really sucked. Saturday was a little better. Sunday (which is right now) is pretty cool, but there is still an underlying feeling of suckyness. So what’s going on, you ask? I’m not getting what I want – and I’m acting like a baby.
It’s interesting having a blog, even one that not many people read, because I get to really examine myself in an innocent way and kind of be honest. So let’s start honestly. The real bad stuff – ain’t no way I would ever publish publicly. Is there really bad stuff. Guess you’ll never know.
OK, onward. I’ve never really had such a feeling of frustration before due to not getting what I want. What I want is something that is very important to me, and something that is out of my control to a large extent.
So Friday, I forgot that I might be at the center of my world, but I sure ain’t at the center of anyone else’s. And not just that, but the one person that I really needed to help me out had no desire to help me – and there was nothing I could do about it.
I was stuck. I wasn’t getting what I wanted and no matter how hard I (figuratively) yelled, or made a fool of myself, could I get my desires filled.
I guess part of the problem for me, is that it is very seldom that I REALLY want something. I’m a pretty flexible person and am pretty happy to blow with the wind. One interesting lesson is that I can now put myself in the position of the rigid personality type. That must really suck, to get all frustrated when things don’t go like you want them to all the time. No thanks.
Back to the point. When we are young and immature, we think that things just come to us – that we deserve certain treatment. However, as we grow up, we learn that, in fact, the world owes us nothing, and that in fact, we are lucky to have the opportunity to be alive! And not only that, but we can’t change other people, or often our situation.
The problem is that every once in a while, we forget those truths we hold dear, and fall back into our old selfish ways – and have to ruin a few life for a little until we relearn what we already knew.